Re: [emrat:9920] Checking in...

Chris, Like many of the EMRATS I am really touched by your story and grateful that you had the courage to share it.  I think it's probably true that most of us, at one time or another, have had that back side of our brain sneak up and take over the front side.  That thought loop you describe is a nasty thing and hard to put away sometimes.  I certainly struggled with it about 10 years ago after a difficult divorce.  It took a good long while and the support of good friends (and a good shrink and some good drugs) to get my head reconfigured, but it also turned out to be a blessing because I spent time on some things that I had ignored for far too long. 

My brother suffers from very severe social anxiety that has caged him in for several years.  He's getting better and the fog is lifting, but it has been a long haul.  It's unfortunately pretty common stuff and part of being imperfect, as humans appear to be judging by our general behavior and by the results of the most recent presidential election.

I've experienced a few times out on the bike when I've thought too much about the speed and two wheels and human error and the machine and all that, and felt that momentary shudder go through me.  What the fuck am I doing here?  And then the joy of it returns and I'm OK. 

I guess all of this is to say that I think you'll work it out and in the working out of it you'll find it was a positive in the long run.  I hope so. I'll recommend a book that was very useful to me and maybe it will be to you.  It's titled "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. Might be a bit too cosmic for some, but it gets at this issue of taking charge of that old brain that keeps kicking our butt with the loops of nonsense it needs to feel safe. 

Take care,  Brian Weberg

On Tue, Jul 25, 2017 at 2:41 PM, Norman Wright <lowrtax@gmail.com> wrote:

Hi ya, Chris, I echo what others have said.  Please do not feel embarrassed to bring up this subject.  It is generally best to talk through these sorts of things to try to get a handle on the source of the anxiety.  While I have not had this thought when on my bike, I went through similar feelings years ago when I took up skiing after college.  I have always had a fear of heights and it was many years of skiing before I finally could relax on a lift.  In those early years I listened to music while on the lift and looked up not down to avoid getting queasy and light headed.  I still insist on the bar being down and try to be on an outside seat and hang on for dear life.

I hope you get back to being comfortable on your bike, we'll miss seeing you on the trips but keep on coming to the meetings as we'll be happy to see you.

On Mon, Jul 24, 2017 at 3:35 PM, Chris Peltz <peltz.chris@gmail.com> wrote:

I don't normally get into too many personal things on this group, but I consider you my family and wanted to share an experience that I had this week during the Triumph in the Rockies. If you don't know me, you can delete this email. :)

First, I am safely back home, physically at least. However, during the trip, i experienced a set of extended panic attacks that started on the second day of the trip and lasted until I got home. These attacks manifested themselves in what I call an "endless loop" of one bad thought and nothing else...in this case, of crashing and killing myself, followed by the realization that I have to give up motorcycling if I make it back home in one piece. If any of you were on any part of a  ride with me, you may have noticed I was a bit "off" (ok, more "off" than usual :) ), and it was related to this.  

I hesitated in sending something to this group, but realized that part of my "loop" was having to face the embarrassment of what happened to me. I figured the best way to face that part of the fear was to get it out there in the open. I also wanted to ask for your prayers (if you believe or don't believe in any kind of deity) as I work through this. At this time, I am pretty shaken up and I don't know really know what's next...I will take it one day at a time.

It was great seeing many of you this weekend and I do hope I will be able to get back on a motorcycle soon. For now though, my well being is top priority and I have to do some soul searching to understand why this happened.

Thanks for listening!

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